Monday 29 May 2017

100% midlife crisis

Pre-blog Blurb
This blog spiralled out of control, so apologises for that!  I thought it would be straight forward but then I started writing, and one thing led to another, and before I knew it…well, I’d written more than I had expected and I’m not sure it makes sense or even answers my original reason for the post.  So, hope it’s not too bad and you manage to get through it without drifting off!!  Have a read and, if you feel the need, let me know what you think.
                                
The other day I asked my eldest daughter, who is 18, if she could do me a logo for something I’m planning on doing (she’s an art student.  Well was.  But she is very talented even if she got bored of her course and didn’t finish the whole thing...sorry, digressing…).

“You’re not planning on running through the Himalayas or something are you Dad?” was her reply.  “It is, isn’t it?  You’re running up a mountain?  God Dad, this is so 100% a midlife crisis!”

She wasn’t far off the reason for the logo (but you’ll find out more about that soon, if you are interested!), but that’s not the reason for this post.  What she had said really hit me quite hard.  Probably worse because it came from her, but it sort of reinforced something that has often stopped me doing things.

What other people think.

I’ve always wanted to better myself, improve the things I can do, learn new things, take on personal challenges (total side point, but that phrase “personal challenge” always makes me laugh!  Check out Geraint Pillock and his coracle J), but often I’ve stopped myself because I’ve thought about what other people might say, or think.  You know like “well that’s ridiculous”, or “why would you want to do that?”, or “you’ll never be able to do that!”*.  Don’t’ get me wrong there has also been circumstantial reasons that meant I couldn’t go off running, or learning new stuff, such as having young children and a lack of funds (please do NOT think for a second I’m blaming having kids for stopping me learning and doing stuff!  I’m just putting that there so that some context might be had for later), but even with those I still worried about what people would say.

Let me give you an example.  Since my youngest daughter was about 7 or 8 I’ve been trying to get her to try new things in order for her to see if she liked them and to learn new skills**.  One of them was rollerblading.  I’m not going to lie, I wanted to learn how to rollerblade, not for any particular reason other than to be able to do it.  I’d never done anything like that, such as skateboarding, as a kid because I didn’t want people to see me trying and pointing and saying how stupid I looked or that I’d never be able to do it (this concern about what people think about me doing stuff has always been with me).  But when I would tell people I got reactions that would make me not tell people.  And when I went out with my daughter I was quite shy about it and made sure we were doing it out of the way.  As a result, I only half-heartedly tried it and never really got past having a few goes.

My point is, I think, that I’ve always wanted to do stuff.  No matter how old I was.  But always felt people would say something or judge me, or something.  And being told that someone thinks it’s due to a midlife crisis is just another thing.  But I’m not willing to let it stop me do anything.

So why have I seemingly started to do things now? 

Well, firstly, I guess people have noticed me doing more now, so it probably seems like I’m suddenly doing more stuff when in actual fact I’m not really. 
Secondly, there has been a change in the way I think about things, and now I believe in myself and my abilities more than I used to***. 
Thirdly, there are opportunities to do things.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s mainly running around or up things, and jumping over things, and crawling through things, but I have the chance to do things now.  And I know, well I don’t know at all I’m just assuming, that some people will say that it’s because I left my family and so don’t have those responsibilities**** but it’s not.  I think everyone finds that as their kids get older they get more time to themselves, and I found that even before my separation. 
And finally, events and information have become more accessible to do.  Running events are everywhere now, the internet has a wealth of courses and guides for you to learn from, and social and mainstream media has changed so you know what people are doing all over the world as it happens, bringing inspiration and ideas to you in abundance.

So, bringing me back to why the “100% midlife crisis” comment bothered me…nothing has changed in me about wanting to do things, so for people to think that I’m doing these things due to my age does upset me a bit, and makes me question doing them.  However, I could actually deal with people thinking this about me. 

The main reason that the comment really bothered me, and why I wanted to write this and bore you with my thoughts, was because it came from my daughter.  I want my children to be inspired by me and be proud of me.  Proud that I’m their Dad.  That they have a Dad who wants to push himself, who wants to try and inspire them.  A Dad that they can do things with.  A Dad that they talk about the things he’s done with pride.  So it hurt a bit to think that they may think that the things I do are down to a midlife crisis.

So, I just wanted to say that, basically, I do stuff now (or want to do stuff) not because I’m panicking about getting old and having a midlife crisis.  I do it because I can now.  Because I believe I can.  Because I want to.  And in the hope that I can inspire others to push themselves as well, especially my daughters.


*there is another one that I’m already thinking that people will say to me in the near future that goes along the lines of “rather than paying that to do it and raise money for charity, why don’t you just donate the money directly to the charity?”.  It’s something I’m trying not to think about and I’m hoping writing this blog post will help me get past it
**after many years, and quite a few different activities, I finally stumbled on an activity that my youngest daughter enjoys, has thrown herself at, and, whether she will admit it or not, is becoming very good at.  What is it?  Climbing. J
***this has been because of the people I have met over the years, seeing people push themselves, being inspired by people

****I’m not going to lie, I am very conscious of what people may think about what I write here, and  on other social media outlets, because I have separated from my wife.  I don’t want people to think I’m gloating in some way about it, or implying I have a “newfound freedom” or something.  Because I’m not.  I’m just trying to write about how I feel about something at the time, and I certainly do not want to cause anyone to think otherwise

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